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Hello USA

Posted on Wednesday, October 12th, 2005

I speak to you tonight, but for the grace of the US Homeland Security Officers, Kevin and his trainee, I think, Joanne (?) I may have fucked up with her name here, but as she was so intelligent, pretty, and didn’t award the attention of terrorists, or worse, even, her employers, I’ll just say that I found her most agreeable, and if in the dire hour of need, if someone found it necessary to stick their hand up my ass to search for dynamite, in the name of freedom, Old Glory, or the ability to buy cheap gas and discount Scandinavian furniture, I, for one, would put her name forward….if I could remember it……..
Kevin was most charming as well but, well, you know, didn’t have the same appeal in the rubber glove department…
Anyway considering I was transporting lots of musical equipment, especially after admitting, during a sincere grilling, on Kevin’s part, that I was, indeed, part of the Thompson Twins (a fact that he seemed rather intent on) during the 80’s, I found myself thankfully relieved to be here in the US again, free to spend my money and bolster you flagging economy….
I am gracious.
It cost me 2CDs.
If I were Madonna, I could have shipped Plutonium.
I’m sure that last line could get me deported.
Which brings me to…

Reasons to be Deported from the USA…..
There may be bad people in the US…. although, seeing them as I do, as individuals, I’m not convinced at any level, at all..(even though the the rest of the world thinks that you have become imperialist, racist assholes and a shame and embarrassment to the founding fathers – btw, read the declaration of independence and all the amendments before flaming me)….It may just be a question of the most exciting country, on earth, who has the most exciting history of any country …… ever (read your history books)……coming to question with it’s own existence based it’s dependence on immigrants which are, of course, the foundation of it’s entity. That, the dichotomy of Texas, the story of Liberia, and why all women of a certain age in the Midwest wear those pedal pusher things, the same women that have provoked within me the feeling that I want suffocate them in a candy floss machine in some random mall…..
It may be a fuck up regime… er, the word administration seems more acceptable… Come to think of it, I never heard of the Saddam Hussein administration or the Kim Il Su administration. Of course I may not get my news from the fox network or any other government sponsored affiliate….. I’m strictly Playhouse Disney, which I find a little more serious than Fox…
Anyway, we’re all fucked and will die….. trust me…..
I’m equally appalled at the price of a cup of coffee here.
OK, I know, I could buy that watery brown stuff they sell at Starbucks, but I refuse on three points…
one, the US government is meant to encourage overseas spending, er well any spending….. thus helping your failing economy…My need for caffeine could make up for General Motors building cars in Iraq or Victoria’s Secret constructing underwear for English girls ..
two, Starbucks sucks in France. Why pay five bucks for a double espresso, when next door in the ‘cafe de la rude waiter’ it cost’s one fifty…..
three, well, all I wanted was a cup of coffee, not a mile long menu of sugary, milky coffee flavoured drinks.. People kill for less.

OK, I know that’s a big job but, with the the resources available, given the choice to build a hummer, or even make large underwear for English girls which is, being fair, probably no less of a job to than to make a hummer, why is it so much more of a challenge to feed those that will never get the chance to be as fat as an English girl or even own a hummer?…….just a thought…

And, OK after re-reading before post in this, I agree, the last part was a little Bill Hicks, but hey, the fucker is still dead, and someone has to carry the message….but it’s most of all just a bunch of passing thoughts one only can conclude from reading the same in-flight magazine for the last 24 hours..

26 Responses to “Hello USA”

  1. Bride of Chucky

    I told you, you should have come to Greece.

    Happy Trails…

  2. Yappo

    Hey Robin have you looked into getting help for your tourette’s?

  3. denshion

    you were hot with that curly blond look…

  4. miken

    sounds an intriguing passage through into the US, Robin, you do realise that the authorities have already read everything you typed and at this moment are beating their way to your hotel door clutching a pic of Allanah Curry in their hand for identification purposes????

  5. Sebastian6

    Not only have they read what you’ve written…they’ve read everything you”re going to write in the future. They have that technology now I hear.

  6. Daniel Land

    Oh my God! You’re a Hicks fan! Respect, Robin, respect.

    Be careful in those waffle houses if you’re reading a book, is all I say.

    Hope you get the reference….

  7. ted

    Did you sing ‘Hold Me Now’ while they did the cavity search?

  8. tera

    I am so relieved that you are aware of my travels. I was a little worried that I would have to be the girl saying “no really, He DOES know me..just tell him I’m here!”

  9. Laura Brownell

    Dearest Robin,

    I am the the officer that took care of you in Detroit, thanks for the praise just an FYI my first name is Laura and not Joanne. Eventhough we did find out from reading your previous entry in this web page that in fact you are recording for itunes this trip, you should of been upfront with us because doing so would have not been cause for deportation:) Kevin says to say hello and is eagerly awaiting for his next free cd from you and next time he will have the rubber glove ready!!

    With love,

  10. Hamish

    A Back Passage To Indiana??

  11. R

    Can you ask them , in Us, why EVERYBODY in their regime is from the same private clubs (that deceptively sound like government ministries..) like CFR (er how do you spell “council on foreign relations) and TrilateralComission. Fuck this regime man! : you see the list of EVERYONE, EVERYFUCKINGONE with major post in the government in US, no matter what “party”, and they are either CFR or TC or both!!! From hundred you find may-be 4-5 that are not. And this is ever since the Reagan. Reagan said he is going to investigate these “clubs” and got shot. Then he became very servile to a club-boy-bush (next to come then–he thought he’ll come after Reagan shot dead).

    One would ask, why the papers don’t write about this–cause the paper bosses are also from CFR or TC…go and figure where this shit would end! 🙂

  12. mike

    That’s not just a midwest phenom. Pedal pushers are huge in Hollywood.

    Except it’s dudes wearing them and they call them “capris.”

  13. ted

    Isn’t Robin the worlds best pedal pusher?

  14. b ginley

    well, that’s what you get for playing lame ass COWLUMBUS/CINCINATTY… ( bush voting peddle pusher city boomertown )instead of playing CLEVELAND in OHIO…excellent post mate…

  15. nina

    hey, i’m with you ted – push them pedals robin. soooo jealous i’m not in the US with y’all – when you comin to do your stuff here in the little ole uk, big man? You know you LOVE us fat english girls…

  16. Dougie

    I’m soooo jealous i’m not in the US with y’all….AND I LIVE HERE!!(Yes, we’re going through our Nazi/Facist phase right now-Not quite as devastating as the original but extremely unpleasant nevertheless) Hi Robin, thanks for all the fluffy tufts of yore.

  17. gordon

    hey, curly blond Thompson Twin – when you comin’ to the LFF ??

  18. Dirty Johnny

    BTW – i see that you sold your trousers ok – well done…

  19. james arthur jerusalem artichoke heart attack b.

    robin,…nice to see you last night….not to bring an unpleasant(???) subject, but i thought i distictly heard one Mrs. Guthrie singing her heart out in the astral……how come you weren’t selling your CDs at the Mezzanine show?? now i have to go find them somewhere…!!!! i hate shopping “online”………

  20. Mercedes


    There is no vision sweeter than yourself curled-up, fetal-like and all on the couch of Mezzanine’s green room. Or even your request that we shoot-up the wine, rather than drink it. We appreciate you coming and glad you remembered the dvd.


  21. the letter k

    glad you got home safely. you think that’s really the customs gal? how crazy is that? hey, i didn’t know you wanted people to *bring* you coffee while in the studio… i guess we can work that out next time. lovely meeting you… hope all is well in your universe…

  22. antonis

    Hi Robin,
    Your bands have truly drive music to the next level, thank you for that. In imperial there is a free feel, but i would like it to be more like the last ray in the mortal coil album and some more rhythm and drums but i guess this is a drive through the desert album so let it be one. And one question, is your guitar sound depending to the wood used at the guitars?..

  23. Glenn Beau


  24. Edward Bock

    This is a rather belated comment on what I thought was a great show in Chicago last year at the Black Orchid. Wish you’d come back again.
    In attendance was Thomas Ayres, vocalist from Arcanta, a friend of mine and a huge fan of yours & the Cocteau Twins. I put the direct to his site above.

  25. Courtney Gidts

    I’ve managed to save up roughly $75048 in my bank account, but I’m not sure if I should buy a house or not. Do you think the market is stable or do you think that home prices will decrease by a lot?

  26. kimberly

    Dearheart Robin…

    Now I understand it all; the World of Robin… it evaded me for so many years. Do they know you are called to testify in the wave forms? I do… been telling you for years, and years. Do you listen? Doubtful… but, I try.

    America… to think what we (have to say we… still have the passport i think:) have so royally fucked up the world (and sorry… I disagree… way, way beyond the scope of Hitler… we are using his archaic platform to hoist the single most damaging regime the world will ever know… trust me). Should I be proud of my exile Robin?

    Sorry I missed your show… love catching your thoughts. But, wow! How’s come you never write so candidly with me? I am such an open person… hmm?

    Keep listening to those Angels who hate us… it will all make sense in another time. Your music was always ahead (and behind) it’s time… when I say behind, I mean ancient. Interesting and historical… my humble opinion, as you already know. It was always you Robin… I thank you for the music.

    your dear friend
    the one you love to ignore!
    miss you kiss you!

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